A Step Back?

Someone asked me if leaving a current squeeze to reunite with an ex is a step back.


From the outside, it looks that way.

Is reconciling a step back?

But as in life, I suppose we need to look at the big picture to determine whether it is indeed a step back or not. Yes, from the outset, it does look like a step back but there are many factors that need to be understood and considered before we could definitely determine whether such a move is truly a step back or otherwise.

I've always said over and over again that shit happens and yet, how many times have we heard exes getting back together and living happily ever after? Life continues to be a total misery for most of us, no?

Personally, I know a lot of couples of who have reconciled even after the worst of break-ups and continue, till today, to be so happy. Just to cite an example, and without divulging their identities, let me tell you a story about a couple I know. They met in university, dated throughout their student days and broke up a year into their working lives.

Break-ups can make you stronger, despite the pain...

And the break-up was and still is one of the worst separations I’ve even known in my life. They spitted venom against each other, forced friends to take sides, and just hated each other with the same passion as when they were in-love. It was so bad to an extent that even their parents were involved in the mud-slinging, and had it not been for the fact that both families are educated and cultured, I swear killing each other is not a stretch; that’s how bad it was.

They broke up not because they just fell out of love for each other but because of the girl’s best friend. We all knew that she had always been in-love with her boyfriend’s best friend but the dude just didn’t feel that way for her. The best friend knew that there was no way she could come in between the couple during their student days but this didn’t stop her from diabolically scheming, and for years at that, on how to break these two up.

Fast forward one year into their working lives, the best friend started seeding little negative thoughts on the girl; making her think, little by little, that the dude doesn’t love her as much as he did. Of course, it’s far from the real truth but these little thoughts seeded into the girl’s head is believable, considering that he was trying to build a career for himself and couldn’t be there for his girlfriend every second of the day, unlike their college days.

There is always hope, even if the break-up was bad; but one should not hope. Feel me?

It’s always hard for a relationship, almost impossible even, to be the same when couples walk into the working world. The dynamics certainly changes. Whereas they could share breakfast, lunch and dinner every day during university days, working life doesn’t give them the same privilege. The only way for a relationship to work, as the couples enter through the first few years of their working lives, is to understand and accept that relationships during college and during working lives have two different circumstances and do not have the same dynamics and that they have to work around the changes to make things work.

Anyways, to make a long story short, they broke up and as mentioned, it’s by far the worst break up I’ve seen in my life. They continued to live their own lives and none of them, through the years, ever thought that they’d meet again, let alone reconcile.

But life is beautiful.

I don’t know if they ever stopped loving each other, despite what happened. Years down the road, they accidentally bumped into each other and because the bitterness is long gone, they were able to be civil with one another. They were both in relationships with different people by then and through the years after that chance meeting, whenever one became single, that person would think of the ex.

This went on for another few years, and albeit they didn’t maintain any communication, there was always that spark between them. And slightly 9 years after they broke up, the girl happened to be single again and the dude, who just got into a relationship, finally realized that it was now or never.

Do people really stop loving an ex?

You see, they just were not both single at the same time but since she just recently became one, and he just got into a months-old relationship, he took the chance, ended his current relationship and reconnected with his ex and told her that he truly believed that maybe, they were meant for each other.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

They are now married, blessed with 3 beautiful children and have never been happier.

So yeah, can one define his decision to take the leap of faith and give the relationship that ended so bitterly a chance a step back?

I don’t think so.

Like most of our friends, I was skeptical too when he told me that he would take the chance and see where it leads. I supported his decision but at the back of my mind, while I was hoping that it would lead to true love and happiness, I wasn’t convinced. And I’m glad I was proven wrong!

Placing things in proper perspective, it’s not always a step back to go back to someone you once loved. But you need to bear in mind that even if it feels right, there is no guarantee that it is, y’know? There is still the possibility that, like before, it could go wrong.

The only thing that is different is when you reconnect with an ex, you’re both at a more mature stage in your life and with maturity comes better understanding of the circumstances around your respective lives.

Reconciled relationships has a better chance of working out because people are more matured

Like anything and everything in our lives, reconciled relationships can’t see what is ahead of it but I firmly believe that with love and better understanding of your partner, it could and would work.

Personally though, I don’t subscribe to the notion of leaving your current partner for an ex if you have been in that relationship for some time and if the relationship is doing great. If, like my friend, you just got into it and are not heavily invested emotionally yet, then by all means.

But I say, don’t break one’s person heart to reconcile with an ex, even if the ex is the love of your life. Karma’s a bitch and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of being broken.

Lastly, while I know the possibility of reconciling with an ex is exciting beyond words, you really have to sit down with yourself and make sure that you have the right reasons for considering reconciliation; it must be out of pure, unadulterated love and not for anything else.

I’m just saying.


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