More Than Just A Thought...

This is a thought that had been playing in my head since my time at JHH.

At first, I tried to ignore it but it kept on coming back like a painful memory, so I told myself that I would do it when I know I'm totally in the clear.

Now that things are looking positively good, the same thought once again is back, holding on like a very tenacious and very stubborn dachshund, so I guess I'm just going to have to put pen to paper, or rather, fingers to laptop.

Staring at death, they say, allows you to have a quick flash of your life.

Do you know what flashes before your eyes when you think it's the end of your life?

But it’s not only death that allows you such an experience; extreme fear and pain, when felt at the same time, affords the same encounter.

I’m a tough dude - mentally – but after going through with what is perhaps the scariest moment of my life, I can tell you that the adage is in a way true. Oh, it doesn’t work like a 2 minute flash forward movie of your life but rather, it brings bits and pieces of memories stored in your brain.

People say that only the consequential aspects of your life are played. True but did you know that that consequential part is, in essence, a summary of who you are a as a human being? What I’m trying to say here is that, the movie that flashes before your eyes is not your whole life per se but rather, your whole life in one subject matter that defines you.

Y’all follow?

Yes? No?

Michael Jordan: The Greatest there ever was and there ever will be. Period.

Aight, let me put it this way.

His Airness is the greatest basketball player ever and while his life, to the people who know him and to most of his fans, is about being the greatest, it is the will to be the best that singled him out from the rest. But the question is what is the main factor that perpetuated that will?

That’s what I’m talking about.

The core essence, the root, the origin, the reason, the cause, the source, the basis, the starting place, the derivation of that will. That is the subject of your life that flashes before you.

Feel me now?

I hope so.

So yeah, I think in His Airness’ case, and purely a hypothesis, based on his speech during the Hall of Fame ceremony, his subject is motivation. And it makes sense, real sense. I want to attach the video of his speech but it’s a long ass speech, so if you wanna hear and see it yourself, and I suggest you do, just search for them in YouTube.

Anyways, back to my subject. Believe it or not, corny and cliché as it may sound, the one thing that flashed before me was... *drum rolls*

Love (and Hatred) lurks at the core of my heart, like a viper in its hole; Do you know what's in yours?

L O V E!


I can already see some of you guys squirming in your seats and/or laughing your asses off!


Seriously though, that is what flashed before my eyes. And if you know me enough, which unfortunately only a handful of y’all do, you know it makes sense. But let me preempt here and state that I'm still mystified as to why, at least vis a vis my subject matter, Love and Hate are somehow, and sometimes, intertwinedly (is there such word?) confused.

If I were to offer insights as to why I think it all makes sense and do a retrospective analysis of how love affects me like no other, I think we will all be here for hours! I’m not gonna subject myself, and y’all, to such torment and mental anguish!

But suffice to say, for many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's when I’m in-love with something or someone. When I’m in a relationship and in-love – be it with someone or something like collecting Air Jordan’s and work - I genuinely feel that, in many ways, my soul is filled almost to completion.

For the most part of my life, I was in-love with collecting Air Jordan's. I still love them but I'm no longer in-love with them, 'nah mean?

I don’t know why but the adrenaline rush is incredibly addictive. And I always thought then that I didn’t want to stop feeling those emotions ever but eventually, I grew out of it piece by piece; not all, but most.

I still love Air Jordan’s but I am not in-love with it anymore, yknow? I wouldn’t kill myself to hustle for a J nowadays. Similarly, the women I fell in-love with in the past would always occupy a special place in my heart but I’m not in-love with them anymore.

I am struggling, however, with understanding why I’m in-love one day, and hate the very same thing the next day. Worst, I have the same passion I showed in love with the hatred that I have. I’m still trying to figure that out. That is where the intertwining of love and hate is confused.

They always say that there's a thin line between love and hate but I can only hate if I loved enough

The times I spent in solitude, silence, pain and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that not everything worthwhile is worth keeping and this notion and truth allowed me to reach a serene state of mind, and that is where I am right now.

I’m glad the times I spent in isolation made me cognizant of the fact that, had I permitted myself to be seduced by fear and uncertainty, to be led astray by the belief that love is always good, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I'm in a place in my life right now where I'm at peace with myself, with what happened and what's going to happen. Are You?

In an amazing and wonderful place where my mind and emotions are clear, that’s where I am at now.

Where are you in yours?


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