Confession # 9

Ok, I admit it’s supposed to be only # 5 but I have good reasons my I’m jumping to my favorite number.

So, what’s the biggest confession?

I was born a twin!


Not many people know that about me. But I guess it’s time to tell anyone and everyone who care to know. So yeah, I had a twin but both of us suffered convulsions and died on the 14th of December 1972. But the greatest idol of my life, my dad, didn’t give up and declared that he was not gonna lose both of his sons and when pressed to make a decision, he randomly pointed me out and the doctor tried to revive me and since I am writing this entry before you, you know that by the grace of the Almighty, they succeeded.

Oh, here’s another confession but I’m not gonna write a separate post about it as it’s related to this confession. The name given to me is not Ibrahim Ivan Omar but Ibrahim Eban Omar; my twin was Ibrahim Ivan and I only assumed his name when I was growing up; in his memory as well as my way of honoring him.

Those of you who know me would know that I’m very instinctive; that I live my life based on instincts and intuition. It is maybe because I’m just cuckoo and superstitious but I like to believe that my instincts came from someone who has always been around to protect me.


Did it ever occur to you why I have everything in pairs? Two phones, two ciggie packs, etc. I bet it never occurred to anyone of you why, no?

Or did you ever realize that I am I am a walking contradiction?

I’m ugly but only dated only the most gorgeous women. I’m a dumdum and yet a certified genius. I’m successful but a failure as well on so many the same things. I have a big heart but hate with vengeance. I can go on and on and on and on to cite samples of my eccentricity as a walking contradiction.

But maybe, after this entry, you’ll understand why I am how I am.


Do I miss him? Every fucking second of the day! But I’ve always known that he’s never far from me and every day, I thank him. And tell him that I love him so much and that I can’t wait to be with him again.

And maybe the time has come for us to be reunited.

Death. In The Words Of Khalil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."

And he said: You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

How I Want To Be Remembered

I wrote the entry below sometime in December 2008 and I think it's high time I bring it up again, considering what I am going through right now. The time has come for me to again have a look at the life I've lived so far and see where I could have done better.

Whereas I opined that they were morbid thoughts before, today, I look at them as more of a reality, y'know?

I’ve always been instinctive to a point of being superstitious. And for the last 6 months or so, I’ve been having recurring dreams of death and dying and majority of them always involved a car crash. I always struggled in trying to grasp what they meant then but now, today, all I can do is smile because I understand what the dreams meant.


Anyways, this is for the benefit of those who just recently joined me in my journey, specially My Little Girl and The Kent Girls, who have touched my life is such a way I never knew possible.

Have a read and maybe, you’ll know how I want to be remembered when I’m finally called to the graces of the Almighty.

Here goes:

"At times, when I lay awake in the wee hours of the morning unable to sleep for no apparent reasons, I sometimes, well lots of times actually, wonder how I will be remembered when my days in this world are over.

Morbid thoughts?

Perhaps so but even if I really don’t want think about it, mostly because that would be mean that I would have to think about death, sometimes it just creeps into my subconscious mind and there’s nothing much I can do but face them.

How will I be remembered?

I don’t know, really. I can only hope that I would be remembered for the right reasons. I want to be remembered for the good things I have done; for the amazing works I have created; for the generosity I have shown; for the things I have shared with the people around me; for my superb Air Jordan collections and love of Ralph Lauren’s (ok, the last two are so superficial but I would most likely to be remembered for them! LOL)


The truth is, I don’t really know how I would be remembered. No one would know how they would be remembered. The only way to surely know is when we’re actually gone. And that is the scariest thought. After all, we live in a world where pretense is the name of the game; where we people we trust are the ones that betray us the worst.

How will I be remembered?

I don’t know and I guess I would never know till I’m gone.

But if I have my way, I would want to be remembered as a good son that made my parents proud; the best man ever for My Small Baby; a trusted friend to my brothers and most important of all, a humble servant to the benevolent Allah.

How do you want to be remembered?

I know how I want to be remembered.

Forever."

Guess what?

I still want to be remembered the same way and for the same reasons. This time however, I would like to add a few things that I hope to be remembered for and by.

Hmmm. Let’s see.

I would like to start with being remembered for someone who was a great marketer and one who truly changed the brands that I worked on.


I also would like to be remembered as someone who cared to share whatever knowledge I had with the people who wanted to learn.

I want those who knew me to vouch for my voracious appetite to live life to the fullest and bear witness to the fact that I did live my life the way I wanted.

I want people to remember me as someone who was a great friend; someone who was there for them in their times of needs, even if they were not there for mine.

And of course, I want to be remembered as someone who knew how to love; someone who never compromised when it came to love.

And all I can hope for is that I too was loved.

Thank You God!

Dear God,

Thank you.

Your humble and humbled servant,

IIO


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No You’re Not!

A few minutes ago, I received a text from someone and she wrote the following:

“I’m ruined Ivan. I am ruined. Take care”

No you're not! Your life is not ruined! Yes, you’re going through perhaps the worst period of your life but keep the faith and hope; you’re blessed and I will do anything and everything I can to make sure that you will go on and fulfill your destiny to be a great human being.

For what’s its worth, I will always be here for you. Always.

RIP Corey Haim

I woke up today to the very tragic and sad news that my childhood idol, Corey Haim, passed away due to accidental overdose :(


When I was in my early teen, I so wanted to be like him. I styled my hair just like him; dressed up like him and even talked like him. The reason? Because he was dating Alyssa Milano!

RIP.

Cursed or Being Tested?

Or maybe both.

That is exactly how I feel right now.

Yesterday, someone broke into my car and stole my knapsack and contained inside it were my computer, my camera, my passport, cash for my trip and my external drive. I don’t care much for the rest but I need my computer for the files inside it, my hard drive and my passport as I need to always travel. Heck, I don’t even care about my passport as I can always do another one but it’s my computer and my hard drive that I need the most.

The files in my computer, if they fall under the wrong people’s hands, could truly potentially ruin people’s lives. There are just too many files in it that are not meant for just anyone else’s view; for example, work-related stuff that are really private n confidential. Say, the files are seen by competitors, things could go ugly.

And it all happened in 10 fucking minutes! 10 fucking minutes.

I parked the car by the roadside, went in to the airport to purchase my ticket and 10 minutes later, my car was broken into and there goes my bag and the stuff in it.

10 fucking minutes? Sigh…

With what is happening in my life right now, I seriously couldn’t help but think if these are just tests from the Almighty or I am really cursed.

Sigh…

Oscar Got It Right!

Ha!

I feel for those who loved Avatar and were hoping that the epic movie would walk away with the coveted Best Picture award.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it was an awesome, awesome movie but personally, I just didn’t feel that it should win the Oscar for Best Picture. Yes it was revolutionary; yes it was a classic and an epic, yes it was pure genius but there’s nothing in it that made it Oscar worthy, except for graphics and the sorts.


The eventual winner - The Hurt Locker - deserved it more. It tells a poignant story of a group of soldiers in Iraq who were members of the Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD), a unit responsible for defusing bombs. It may look like any other war movie but it tells a story of the ups and downs and the dangers and the braveries of those who are involved in wars.

So yeah, I believe they deserve to win. And so did the director of the movie, Kathryn Bigelow, who, ironically, beat her ex husband, the genius that is James Cameron for the award.

The acting categories also went to the deserving winners; Jeff Bridges for his excellent portrayal of a faded country musician in ‘Crazy Heart’ and Sandra Bullock for her amazing performance as socialite Leigh Anne Tuohy who adopted the NFL player Michael Oher.



All in all, the awards were given to the right and deserving nominees.

On a personal note, The Oscar’s brought me back to a time when I was on the brink of starting something great in my life. And like last year, I hope to embark on the same great and momentous journey.

Life’s Too Short To Be Sad

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity and privilege to be with a cancer-stricken 15-year old who, believe it or not, despite her fatal sickness taught me a thing or two about life.

For someone who doesn’t have much time to live, she was a gregarious and positive little girl. She has accepted her fate and while hoping that miracles do happen, she is also very cognizant that life could be taken away from her any time soon.


And instead of moping and feeling sad about her predicament, she looks at life with such positivity that one won’t think they’re not in the presence of someone whose life could be unfairly taken away from her anytime. Her positive outlook to life, the way she sees and looks at things rubbed off on me. Her positivity is truly contagious and it made me think of my current predicament.

Here’s a girl who is so sick and yet tries her very best to live life to the fullest and to anyone of us who feel that the world is not worth living anymore just because we suffered a few setbacks in our lives should take a cue from this wonderful angel and start living, truly start living.


I admit I have been down in recent times but meeting her was one of the greatest moments of life. Not only did I give her some form of happiness by being with her and spending time talking about my love and passion, more importantly, she taught me a lot in the limited time that I had with her.

So yeah, life’s too short to be sad. So, if you’re sad, don’t be. Go out there and be happy and even if it’s proving to be difficult, hang on there and keep your head high. The Almighty has a way out for all of us, all we need to do is believe and keep the faith.

Thanks Ai Ping, you truly are an angel.